I missed the comfort in being sad. by LittleRedx41, journal
I missed the comfort in being sad.
I've waited for weather like this where i can just hide in my closet and let myself be safe.
Or I go outside and I feel sort of a mist and I love it so much it gives me goosebumps but not from the cold.
And I remember days with you running in the rain until we were soaked through and dripping wet
And it sort of makes me sick because i miss it so much
But then I just go outside and pretend and feel the comfort of being that weird sweet sad, which I haven't felt in a long time.
I'm almost at peace with the world for once.
You need me. I was there for you. Through it all.
You started treating me like shit. I put up with it.
My depression started coming back. You didn't pay any attention.
I got fed up. You still have a perfect life.
I'm sitting here crying. You sitting there sucking his face off.
I remember my horrible past. You remember flowers and rainbows.
I care.
You still don't.
I've been sleeping for longer amounts of time.
My curtains haven't been opened all week.
I feel the safest curled up on my bed in a blanket with no light.
Only a few rays through the cracks.
I can sit and stare at a wall all day.
Or play music without really listening.
Today I covered my ceiling in drawings.
I just ripped them all down. It's getting worse.
I can feel it....It's rapidly coming back. Resurfacing.
The past is always there. Whether you except it or not. I can't except it.
UGH. I need advice. Really badly. Okay, so there's this guy....I really like him. And I hung out with him and my friend yesterday and he was just so fucking adorable. And my friends mom says she thinks he likes me. But there's a problem........An age difference. Of 4 years. And she says I should still go for it or he should and...UGH. I don't know what to do! Someone help me, please!